The Power of Holding Your Thoughts Lightly to Reduce Anxiety
When Intrusive Thoughts Take Over
Currently, my son is on an overseas trip, the furthest and longest he’s ever been away from me.
I’m not going to lie, my anxiety and worry are high, and the intrusive thoughts have been pretty relentless - unsurprisingly, it feels horrible!
The temptation is to do whatever I can to get rid of those uncomfortable anxious thoughts…push them away and get rid of them.
But have you ever tried to do that?
Have you ever managed to actually stop thinking about something that your mind seems intent on screaming at you on a loop? Let me know if you’ve figured it out because I certainly haven’t.
I can be pretty confident in saying that we all experience intrusive thoughts at times in our lives, because a 1990’s study [1] showed that people without mental health conditions commonly experience unwanted intrusive thoughts.
A wide range of different intrusive thoughts were identified...some being more common than others - thoughts such as insulting strangers or swerving into traffic when driving were involuntarily experienced by more than half of the people surveyed.
These days, I’m pretty used to the random brain-farts that pop into my head - a particular favourite that my mind likes to send me is an image of slipping, or jumping off, when I’m in a high place.
It happens without fail, so I expect it and when it arrives I chuckle to myself, saying "Ahh there you are, welcome back!".
And I know that I’m definitely not the only one getting these kinds of thoughts as identical twins, Carine and Frances, have made a series of amusing video clips entitled “If Intrusive Thoughts Were a Person” - have a watch and let me know if you can relate (links open in a new tab):
What Are Intrusive Thoughts
Intrusive thoughts are random, unwanted ideas that pop into our heads—sometimes mildly amusing but usually quite unsettling.
It’s important to remember, though, that these thoughts don’t mean anything about us; they’re simply a quirk of how our minds process fears and explore 'what if' scenarios.
We can think of them as being neurological junk.
The trouble is that our brain’s “threat detector” misinterprets these thoughts as real dangers, triggering our fight or flight reaction.
Our natural instinct is to move away from, or get rid of, anything that is perceived as threatening to us.
So everything in our instinct tells us to get rid of those thoughts…and we can end up wrestling with them and trying to suppress them, but ultimately we can’t eliminate them.
The Beach Ball Metaphor: A New Way to Think About Thoughts
Did you ever do that thing as a child where you tried to push a beach ball under the water?
You can do it, it is possible, but it’s hard work, isn’t it?
And what happened to your attention while you’re working so hard to keep the ball under?
Are you as aware of what is going on around you as you might be if you weren’t focusing so hard on keeping the ball under?
And then, after a while, you get tired, your grip on the ball weakens and suddenly it blasts back up above the water with a vengeance - did you ever notice that it pops back up much higher than you were able to push it under?
Now imagine that your intrusive thoughts are like a beachball—it is possible to push them under so you can’t see them anymore, but it’s really hard work, and eventually, they pop right back into your head...often with more force.
And all that effort? It pulls your focus away from everything else around you!
So what are we supposed to do if not get rid of these intrusive thoughts?
Going back to the beach ball metaphor: if we leave the ball on the water’s surface, it’s still there, and we’re still aware of it, but we’re no longer struggling.
Without the constant fight, we can start to look around and notice where we are—hopefully somewhere peaceful, like a lovely beach.
If we can be open to the idea that the intrusive thoughts are there, but hold them more lightly (rather than wrestling with them), to be more accepting of them, then it gives us space to refocus and function in the here and now.
Holding Thoughts Lightly
Holding our thoughts lightly means acknowledging them but not giving them any power or importance - they are there but they don’t have to control our focus.
We can ask ourselves: “How is this thought serving me?”
If it isn’t, then we can gently shift our attention back to what’s important ‘right here right now’.
So by accepting intrusive thoughts instead of wrestling with them, we can create space to focus on what matters in the present.
Next time you’re troubled with intrusive thoughts, try holding it lightly, rather than trying to push it down - notice the difference.
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[1] Purdon C. & Clark D. Obsessive intrusive thoughts in nonclinical subjects. Part 1 Content & relation with depressive, anxious & obsessional symptoms. Behav Res Ther 1992;31:713-20
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